My relationship with Sport & Food

3:16 PM

As nearly every little girl, I’ve always wanted to be classy, with so much grace and always looking cute as a ballerina (and of course my mom always told me I was made for that haha).

(angry ballerina)

 But with time I realized that I was actually more of the sporty kind of girl, the one you always ask to open the jar of jam for you, the girl that “hey, are you coming with us this afternoon?” “ohh, sorry, I have my training today"! So I made a little list of the possible sports I could like, and when I was 11 years old I started playing volleyball.
The gym became my favorite place to be, I preferred it over anything else: the atmosphere, the friendships and movement in general, just made me feel good and somehow I felt like being part of something I had never experienced before (I was a shy kid).
But it didn’t took a lot before I understood that there was something about it that I wouldn’t have liked.. we soon started having matches!
Why was I so scared about them? Let’s say there were a few things that played a good roll in this fear! The social anxiety, the other team’s girls that somehow always looked like vikings ready for a bloody war, the pressure, the fact that they were most of the times on Sunday mornings, etc..

I could resist to that only until 16, when I started having more passions, like playing in a band and thinking about guys, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on tv, or getting to know more friends I wanted to pass more time with.
Arrived at this point, the only movement I was doing was coming from my occasional afternoon walks at the park and the 3-4 mins of run from my house to the bus station (I was constantly late at school)! Therefore, as a good teenager in this society, I started getting worried about my weight, and paying an insane attention to the food I was eating. 
When I say that I "paid attention", I mean things like not eating carbs for really long periods  (I mean, HOW, carbs are my life at the moment haha) or restricting my self even though I was hungry.
There wouldn't be a day without me tracking how much I was weighting, often even more than once a day, sometimes to see how much I gained after meals too. I now weight myself probably once a year, maximum twice, when I'm at my parents place!

Now, my weight has always been going up and down like a roller-coaster, in the past I never really maintained a certain weight for longer than 4/5 months.. and I'd also add that I'm quiet of an emotional eater, and that I tend to eat a little more even when I get bored (reason why I always love being busy). I believe, the thinnest I've ever been was when I was 18, nothing too extreme, I actually looked healthy.  
In reality, I wasn't just restricting myself, but also doing some stupid little exercises in an obsessive way, mostly for my legs (the relationship with the look of my legs has always been "problematic").

Anyway, I still need to remember that the secret for a happy  body and mind is eating simply when and what your body feels like eating! Nothing more and nothing less. If you will force your body to eat or not eat something, you will know you'll doing it wrong and your body will surely let you notice it (gaining weight or not making you feel at your best).

What definitely changed the whole food-body game was cooking everything myself. At the age of 20 (sounds like I'm much older, but it's just 2 years ago haha) I moved to Berlin, where I am still living, and had to cook all by myself and control the grocery shopping situation alone. It doesn't mean your parents don't cook well or anything like that, it's just that YOU know better what your body wants in a particular moment and in what quantities.

At the beginning it was a little bit of a challenge, it's so easy to under-eat or to buy too many fatty-"destructive"- processed food when you're a 20 years old girl with money on your pocket and a week's grocery list all in your hands.. but I've always loved to watch cooking shows, and I can now say, NEVER underestimate cooking shows!! :D
I love the process of cooking, I'd cook for everybody even without being hungry but just for the passion of doing it. So this was a good point to bring on during these years and that helped me arriving to a point when I started finding an equilibrium. 
To help this equilibrium, I now added again some "real" sport (and I mean more regularly, in the gym, to add to my walks in the Nature). 

I still find it difficult to find your way in the everyday world, but sometimes you just need a little kick, to wake up a little bit and not just let yourself go (it's just too easy to fall). 

And the last thing I sometimes like to put in every post because I find it so important and I'm glad I finally understood it since it simply changed my life in better is WATERWATERWATER!!!
I can't explain how but since I started drinking a lot of water, or better more than what I used to (usually up to 3 liters or so), I started feeling much leaner and healthier.

So yes.. this is a really short version of my life through food and sport!

Hopefully it didn't turn out boring, but it certainly helped me remember what I did wrong (learning from those things) and what I did right (trying to get back on that track) :)

Wish you a beautiful and peaceful day!!

With Love,


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